Some kind of realisation.

I just saw this as a friend's status on facebook.

"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding onto someone who don't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak, but means that you are strong enough to let go."

It just sounds soooooo true.
But just how many people can achieve that?
A task which seems simple, yet tough.
Fcuk.
I so feel the words.

我就是我。

I think you should read this.
Please.
It's not too hard, simple Chinese.

真正“知道”陈美洁的人，就应该晓得我的个性真的很直。
我说话很少拐弯抹角，相反地，常常命中要害。
就因为我太直了，所以我从来没有想过这会为我带来什么太大的问题。
说话常常不经过思考就无心的脱口而出。
就连得罪了某些人，我也没发现。

我想了一下，觉得造成那么直的我，你们也功不可没啊。
哈哈。

在家里，一家人，我们有话就说，有屁就放。
衣服，妆，好看就是好看。
难看就换掉，抹掉。
从不用掩饰一些什么。

在工作，大家都很好玩，都开得起玩笑。
你想想，对于Krystal 还有 Calene 这两个人的性格，我们根本就没有什么“不能说”啊。
所以，造就我有话就说，有屎会到厕所去拉。

在883，我想更不用说吧？
大家靠嘴巴吃饭，各个口齿伶俐。
我根本就是小case。我说真的。
和 Mel, CY, Darryl 混久了，根本就像家人了。
我嘴巴变得更贱，和他们说话聊天也无需避讳些什么。
我们用言语攻击彼此也都毫不留情。
有话就说，有屁就放。

再来，和朋友在一起。。。
Yihao, Zhen, Shonia, Glenn, Zilei, Joanne, Yilong, CheeWee， 等等。
我完全释放，毫不保留。哈哈。
为了我好，Yihao 常常会说一些不中听以及别人不敢说的话。
“你真的很肥你知道吗?! 大腿和屁股也大到不行了! 赶快去运动!”
我们彼此就是这样子。
那么直接，那么无需客套。

就这样子啊。
我变成了今天的我。
口齿伶俐，嘴不饶人，直接。

There was once when I was working, I was chatting with this colleague.
He told me that he used to score SUPER badly when he was in Primary school.
And his dad thought he was an idiot.
Then I realised that he did not attend Nursery, K1 and instead, started off with K2 and hence he couldn't catch up I guess?
He was born in China and came back to Singapore only when he was 5.
Having pure Singaporean parents, he said his mum went there to give birth because many of his family members are in China.
After considering much factors, I asked something very very....
Brainless? Idiotic?
I don't know how to describe.

I said..
“你是领养的是吗?! 其实你是中国人的儿子，可是后来被你现在的父母领养。”
My god!
I'm just soooooooooooooooo like that.
I didn't consider the fact that he may not like what I'm saying.
Still, I feel very apologetic for having said such thing.
Haiz.

现在我知道了，说话前，最好经过我的小脑。
话，可以说。
但至少要婉转点。
比如，与其说- “我很讨厌”，我可以说- “我其实不是很喜欢”。


Anyway, if I've ever attacked you verbally, or somehow let you feel uncomfortable...
I am SINCERELY SORRY. =)
I know I must not have meant it.
It's just me.
But of course, I hope you can accept me for who I am.
Otherwise, I'm still sorry.

It's been 8 days...

I haven't been blogging for a long time.
That's because I don't know what to say, what to write.
Or worse, I don't know how to tell you about the ME now.

That day, I watched "The Sister's Keepers".
I cried throughout.
I'm happy that I didn't waste my hours watching the show for nothing.
And that's because I come to realise again that life is short.
Be it if you're happy or not, days go on.
So why not be happy?
Plus, I am basically nothing compared to those people fighting to sustain life.

Now, I'm not thinking that much anymore.
I cry when I'm sad.
I laugh when I'm happy.
I love you the same way I did.
But do you know how amazing you are?
Because you seem to have a remote control, taking charge of my emotions.

Oh!
And thanksssss to the people around me, I'm starting to exercise regularly.
Shonia and Yihao checks if I exercise everyday.
Glenn and QQ brings me to gym.
Plus the many out there who told me how pretty I'd look if I slim down.
HAHA.
I do hope that there would be such a day huh.. =)

*My whole body is aching from yesterday's body combat and power yoga.
Freaking ache I mean. HAHA.

fcuk my life.

I feel so freaking lonely.
Especially on such a rainy day.
Words not entering my mind.
Rain doesn't stop pouring.
Ok. I know there's no link.
But I just feel like fcuk.

Just when will these days come to a stop?!
I really hate it.

And I tend to worry more about you when it's raining.
Please be VERY safe my dear.

Fcuk SIAN.

Haiz.
I totally have no mood to study.
And my freaking useless brains are not helping me.
I don't seem to be able to absorb anything..
This sucks.
Because all I need now is to memorise.

Fcuk.
I seriously hate my life.
In the past, i would at least have a motivation.
And that's to meet you for some post-exam activities.
Now?
I have nothing.
I hate my life without you.
Really.

The 2 hearts- broken.

Sometimes I find some of Zilei and my conversation soooo funny.
HAHA.
She just brightens up my sad and gloomy day.
Because she is just sooooo nonsensical!

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
anyway
I wanna go genting
you wana go?

felicia- now i know. says:
genting no angmoh leh

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
i dont mind
GAMBLE

felicia- now i know. says:
dont want

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
hahahhahahahh
huhhh why everything also dont want

felicia- now i know. says:
haha
i wanna be home girl
and i no money!
haha

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
disappointing aye
i also no money
work then got money
hahah

felicia- now i know. says:
and dont ever have the thoughts of going there to win money!
because sure lose!
HAHAHAHA

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
NO
I DONT BELIEVE

felicia- now i know. says:
HAHA
this kind of attitude= sure lose!
HAHA

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
HAHAHHAHA

felicia- now i know. says:
i just went in july leh genting

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
abit boring right

felicia- now i know. says:
then my bf will be so everywhere there!
HAHA

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
AI YA
I also go genting with my EX BF
he will be EVERY WHERE ALSO

felicia- now i know. says:
SIAN hor
fcuk
i cannot take it leh

ohsokyer http://lowfat-box.livejournal.com/ says:
that time he still force me to take a roller coaster
force!!!
cause i was hanging on to a lamppost
then he dragg me

felicia- now i know. says:
since then he was already a bastard
haha!

Anyway, she mentioned that she threw away ALL her flowers from that bastard ex-bf.
To think that I still had a post, months back, saying how envious I was.
Fcuk.
I feel so ashamed, somewhat. HAHA.
Good riddance for her, I guess?

What about me?
Haiz.

I'm eating the hotdog prata now.
Your speciality.
Now, it's bought.
Because i have you no more.
Fcuk.
Life sucks.

Our cute names..

I often easily get distracted during mugging time.
Food, TV, weather and most importantly, Internet.
Now my blog is one big distraction as well.
No no no.. I guess you are the biggest distraction la.
Nothing stops me from thinking..

I was thinking of our petnames..

Before we got together officially, I called you "LaLa".
And that was because you liked to 'lalala' in your SMSes.
After we got together, I used LaLa and everyone started calling you that when talking to me about you.
Regan, Cheewee and even Bingwang used LaLa.

Then, I thought that LaLa was a little tough for me to use it for 撒娇.
So, I transformed LaLa to YaYa.. HAHA.
But, that became exclusively for me.
Only that irritating Jolene loved to say 'YaYa' to mimick after me.
And right after that, she just gets it from you. HAHA.

For you, initially you called me 'dear'.
Then somehow or rather, I started calling you 'darling'.
And you, as a fat copycat, followed after me and changed your pet name for me to 'darling'.

Following, I suddenly had this urge to call you "baby" because I thought you felt like one.
So, I started calling you "baby"..
Then, there was this day when we were opposite the Safra bus-stop, going to Simei's Pet Safari (I think) and you were joking around with me.
You said.. "我是BB Ho，你是BB Q.."
You didn't complete the Q in time, but I realised that you wanted to say 'BBQ'.
And we started laughing.
Because you didn't say that on purpose and the BB-Q thing just came to your mind.
So, for a period of time you kept on calling me BBQ.
I guess you thought that this name suits me to a tee and it portrays how fat I am right?

Then when we went for our Thailand trip, there was a SUPPPPPEEEERRRR fat pig performing Maths Q & A and it's name was... BBQ.
So, you started happily laughing and smugging away..
Probably thinking that I saw my twin huh?
HAHA.

You are just so cute la fat worm.
But thinking of your cuteness saddens me, quite a lot.

Well, back to mugging! =(

State of Mind, WIRED.

Sometimes I really think that I will just go bonkers and develop some psychological disorders (HAHA. This module's psychology la). Definately not depression and anxiety ones though.

Because you know what?
I dream of you every night.
Sometimes, just a little. The other times, whole night.
I really don't know why!
And obviously, my dreams are not within my control.
That sucks.

Every morning when I wake up, in my head there's only..
"Yaya, Yaya, Yaya, Yaya, Yaya, Yaya.."
Then, I've to embark my brand new day, with you everywhere.

And the worse thing is, at times I can't really differentiate my dreams and my life.
It's like, we talk, laugh, hug, play like what we used to do, in my dreams.
The next minute I wake up with the sweet images in my mind.
And I've to tell myself..
"Oh, you've just woken up from your DREAMS! Remember, DREAMS ar."
But everything seemed so true lae.
HAIZ.


Anyway, yesterday Steph was studying in my room.
And we started talking about the toy poodle again! HAHA.

S: If we buy the dog right, where to put him?
F: What where to put? In the house la.
S: No, as in he can't be walking everywhere ma.
F: HUH! Why not? Of course walk everywhere la. Then?!
S: Eeeeee. Cannot! Got animal dander and the hair! Better tie up.
F: Huh. My poor dog has to be tied up?! What the hell you talking?!
S: Of course la! Dogs are always tied up what.
F: Where got?! Go out kena tied, at home also tied?! So sad...
S: HAHA. Then what?!
F: We can put play pent what. Like wanzhen's dog like that.
S: OOOOOOO. Ok ok! Good idea. Then when wanna play then take out?
F: Ya. Correct. But! Our house got no space for play pent also leh.
S: Huh. The walk in lor. Remove all the shoe racks.
F: Cannnot la. Later people see him cute, try to steal how?! Expensive leh!
S: Hmm (Thinking hard).. OH! The living room! Throw away the 2 sofas!
F: HAHAHA. Throw away?! You siao ar. Mummy will kill us!
S: Huh. Then how. The dog stay where??
F: In your room la. Anyway you not sleeping there le (*grins*)
S: No no no.. Cannot. Ok la. Living room good!
F: You really wanna buy the dog huh?! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

It was just sooooo funny talking to her.
HAHA.

Pets Day!

Last Saturday, Joyce, Steph, Ken, Alas and I went to Yanni and Wayne's houses to view their loves!
SUPERRRRRRRR cute la all.
Most importantly, they are very extremely obedient and tamed!
Not like that kuku naughty Bun boy.
And, because there were four new born, Alas went with an intention of adopting one.
Well, as long as it's not mine, the responsibility is not on me, I'm fine. =)
Anyway, they are still considering if they wanna get one.
Because mummy is SUPERRRRR against it, like always.

I went Aljunied NTUC with Steph today and she spotted a toy poodle.
MY LOVE!
And she was shockingly attracted to it as well!
HAHA.
Then I was like.. "Cute right?! I wanna buy next year.."
Then Steph decided to not adopt the rabbit anymore.. =(
Because, she finds dogs more interactive, like obviously right?
HAHA.
So yea. I must psycho her into getting the dog with me.
Best, sponser a bit. =)

I seriosuly don't know what you want and what should I do.

My boy, two.

Ah ma was changing the bed sheets and was arranging the soft toys on my bed to be out at the window for a sunbath.
And they include, my mini eeyore pooh tigger piglet, dale (you won for me at pasar malam) and cock-eyed monkey (you won for me at 2008 TP CCN day).

Knowing that I love them a lot, you liked to hide them up several times when you were here.
And when I was about to sleep, I'd realise that one of them, or a few of them had went missing. Then that's when I'll ring you up and ask for clues that leads to them.
But of course, you'd sound VERY happy and smug knowing that I can't find them still.

But BB, you're sucha copy cat.
Because I was the one who invented this game at your house, by hiding your beloved must-have-pillow in the highest cupboard.

Still, I guess I've never told you before that I loved this hide-and-find game right? HAHA.
You're just sooooo cute Yaya. =)


If only we had a chance to play such childish but entertaining games again.