Thank You ANGELS...

I feel so relaxed now.
Yihao is right.
God took you away from me, but HE gave me them.
It's just an ordeal that I have to go through in life to be a better person.

I really appreciate..

Yihao and Zhen-
They are 24 hours on standby, ever ready to listen to me cry, to my craps and everything.
They took over Yaya's job of taking care of me.
I just know they are always there.

Shonia-
Listening to me for hours, sharing with you what we went through for the 4 whole years.
Telling me what a good bf I had and that I didn't treaure him. HAHA.
Reassuring me that I can call you for anything..

Mel and CY-
They rushed down to meet me from home, knowing how terrible I feel.
Gave me hugs, counselling and advice that's realllllll important!
Mel took care of all our expenses (food, drinks, transportation fare) even though we are all broke!
Aww.

Calene-
Giving me advices that really had impact on me.
And telling me that I have you with me.

Koh Chee Wee-
Telling me you feel me and all the realistic stuff that literally shatters all my dreams..
HAHA.

Madeline-
Giving me advices and most importantly, stay by Yaya.

Glenn, Joyce & Zilei-
Knowing how fcuk I feel and will always be there for me.

ShuLing, Zhenxiu & Sabby-
Wanting me to take care and that I will do good. =)


I never knew that I have so many people caring for me besides Yaya.
I always say that I have no friends, but now I know I do.
I really appreciate dang a lot.
Really.
Thank you guys soooooooo much.
For Yaya, for my family and for you all, I will do fine.


I know I can, because I survived through the 4 hours of love songs..
It's like a big thing huh. HAHA.
=)

This is out of my control;
But I know you will come back for me when you are all charged.
Good night.

Conflict.

I feel so cruel to myself when I'm on air.
I feel so sad upon hearing these non-stop love songs.
What 《悲伤止步》，
what 《Always My Baby》,
what 《Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You》 that I wanted to play on my wedding,
what 《其实你不懂我的心》 and
the 《喜欢你》 that you liked so much BB.

Every single word of the lyrics is stabbing hard into my heart.
Yet I've to sound so chirpy, so happy.

I'm bleeding inside.
I feel so much like crying.
But I know I can't.
I'm trying so hard to be professional.

But it's not even been 15 minutes. How to endure?

$$$ flew away...

I feel sad for not working at Singapore Pools today, 0800h - 1430h.
It's sucha GOOD shift that I simply love cos I can continue 883 at 1600h..
But, I just gave it up!
I should've been able to wake up after just 2 hours of sleep.
I should've went.
Regret!
Because this means money flew away...
And it's the second time I gave my shift away in just 5 days..

AWWW!

The third day...

I feel much peaceful today.
I went for a photoshoot, being the superrrr unprofessional makeup artist.
View Glenn's for the products!

I know I have many people caring for me out there.
I know I will move on.

Thank you Zhen and Yihao, I know you guys know how important you are.
Thank you C, I really appreciate.

I know how worried my parents are.
So, I gave mummy a big hug when I stepped in the house just now.

I will continue to cry when I feel like it.
Because I cannot erase the fact that we were once a loving pair.
Because I cannot erase the memories we share.
But just as I promised, I will learn as I cry.

I will stop myself from pestering you and I will inform my family not too.
Because I know this is all I can do.

Still, I hold on to the believe that you will come back for me, someday.
And I will wait, patiently, because I know I lovee you.

My excruciating pain.

I think of you every second and I see you everywhere.
On my way to dad's office, I saw CDC students doing bike practical.
I see your happy fat face in my mind.
I hear you telling me about which wrong route you took and how much you wanted me to support you physically. Because you said you can do better with my presence.
Then, Uncle and ah ma asked..
"So what is your bf doing? How old is he?"

Everyone and everything is reminding me of you...

Daddy asked.
"So how are things between you and Darren?"
I kept quiet.
I scared I can't control my tears and will just break down.
But he knows. Mummy knows. Steph knows. Alas knows.
We broke up.

It's been years back since I cried on the bus.
And that was the first time we broke up.
Today, it happened again.
I feel so useless. But I just couldn't not cry.

BB.
I'm holding back myself from calling and SMSing you like what I did everyday.
Instead I divert all my messages for you to Zhen.
I wanna pester you no more.
I'm trying. Really trying very hard.

God, help me please.
I don't know how long more I can take it.
But I promised you, I'll try...
Till the day you come back for me.

I will...

I will listen to Zhen and Yihao.
I will cry; But I will learn and move on as I cry.
I will be good and I will be fine.
I will start eating today because I don't want you to worry about me.

I know you love me.
So do I.
I promise I will wait for you patiently.
I know I don't honour my promises.
But for you, I will try.
I really will.
You would believe me, right?

During this period of time,
for you,
I will try my best to become a better person.
I really will.

A temporary bye, YAYA.

How do I stop the ticker below from counting anymore?
Or how can I not stop the ticker from counting anymore?

Yesterday, I stopped myself time and again to type these.
But I feel so lost.
I cry myself to sleep.
I cry in my dreams when I see and hear you.
I cry myself awake too.
I hate it.

I do not blame you, like what you think I do.
It's all my fault.
Because I took all your hard work for granted.
I didn't know that you tried so hard for me.
I'm all to blame.

I know I'm crying so hard because I lovee you.
I realised that I want you forever.
But it's all too late.
And it's all my fault.

I wanna wake up, telling you about this dream of mine.
Telling you that I dreamt of us breaking up and how afraid I am.
And hear you asking me not to be silly because you will always be here for me, loving me forever.

I deserve it.
It's all my fault.

I feel so tired crying.
But I just can't stop myself.
I feel so sick of calling yihao and zhen,
telling them how pain I feel and crying out loud.

I wanna move on like I promised you.
I really want.
But I don't know where to move from and I can't.

My only motivation now is to hear from you after sometime,
as you promised.
In my heart, I'm praying for a positive reply.
But if you don't, I know that God has other plans for me.

I know we lovee each another.
You just need time to recharge and find your lost self.
I will wait.

Till then, I will take care of myself and try my best to live life.

It's been, FOUR years~

Yes! We've been together for FOUR years!
I know it's not a small number but not a large number as well.
But, we've been through lots of rain and shine.
If not for LaLa's persistance, I guess we won't be here now.
At times I feel like I can just face life alone without him.
But we BOTH know how bad we would feel if that ever happens.
So, I promise I would really try harder next time.

He's bitterly in camp now, and so we don't have any celebration like last year.
His birthday cum anniversary present would be a ZERO surprise iPhone.
And mine would be the S$200 which he sponsored for my Thailand trip.
But till now, he hadn't told me-"HAPPY 4th ANNIVERSARY BABY!"
So, we shall see huh.. =)

I WANNA BLOG!

Yes, I WANNA BLOG!
But due to staying-home for the past (almost) one month,
I don't have anything to say!
I don't have any photographs to blog!
ARGH.

Anyway,

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO...
KENG KAI NING CALENE!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...
My dearest LOW HUI NGOH
&
YEO HUI YING DENISE!

May ALLLLLLL dreams come true and let's HUAT together! =)

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